Feminist Chronicles: Diary One: Dr Amy Tsanga

Radical, somewhat rebellious, robust. Those were my first impressions of this woman when I first met her. Then I was a naïve-mousey thing, studying for my undergraduate degree in law. I observed ho…

Source: Feminist Chronicles: Diary One: Dr Amy Tsanga


Future Imperfect

You want to know how your grandparents/parents “worked through” their problems and didn’t divorce?divorce

Cause your grandmother most likely didn’t have her own assets or income and depended on your grandfather to support her and the family. She had no choice but to work it out. Also the stigma a divorced woman would face?

Trust me a lot of your grandfathers are/were awful people and your grandmother would’ve left him if she could

And to those who use the phrase “these days people don’t take marriage serious. That’s why there is a high number of divorce cases.” Please. I think the high number of divorce cases is an indication that woman are achieving their independence. Think twice.



Of unfinished relationships

If you know for sure that the relationship is finished, whether it mutual or you broke it off or the other person, you’ll be sad for a while, even if it’s just a sort of unsureness about what to do next, but then it quickly stops being something you think about. You even start to forget it and it’s just another thing that happened way back when that you can look back at either with fondness or embarrassment.gefyra_bw

But if something just stops, and you don’t get your closure, and it doesn’t feel like it’s over and there are still a million and one things left unsaid, you’re stuck, right? You’re stuck there, wondering what happened, maybe wondering what you did wrong. Wondering if things could have been different if you’d just done one tiny thing different or if you’d just said those few unspoken words before the moment passed you by, would it have changed the outcome? People thrive on closure, because it’s safe and they’re not left with a world of ‘what if’s swarming through their minds, invading their thoughts in the dark right before you slip into sleep, or when you’re finally alone after all day of talking to people and the silence is just bombarded with questions.

And that unfinished relationship—friendship, romantic, whatever it may be—is still there, in the back of your mind, waiting to come back and absorb your thoughts in any sort of down time. Obsessing. That’s what it is, you’re obsessing over the unknown. And truthfully, you have every right to. Everyone does it, even in things that aren’t as personal and emotional. Political figures obsess over how to run the country, how to keep people safe, how to do this or that. Scientists obsess over finding the reason for everything out there and why it is as it is. Even when you’re that little kid and you ask a question that no one wants to answer, you’ll do everything in your power to find out what the answer is from asking the same person repeatedly or finding someone else or something else to answer it

You’re feeling the hopelessness consume you. That feeling of not being good enough is quick becoming familiar. You wonder where everything went wrong, and your little inner turmoil is fast taking over your life because you just can’t focus for long on anything else. You’re angry at he or she for leaving, your frustrated with them for doing this to you and with yourself for letting this happen. It seems like you’re the only person in the world who this is happening to. You’re not. I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not really that special. Loads of people go through this, and not only that, but it does get better. It could take days, weeks, months, even years, but it does get better.

But while you’re still under the addicting influence of that one person who you simultaneously hate and like, or even love, while you loathe what they’ve done to you, while you can’t stand seeing them replacing you with someone else but you keep searching them out in a crowd anyway, don’t let them see how much it affects you, yeah? Throw on a smile, even if it’s fake, square your shoulders, and just keep walking. They don’t deserve your sadness, but if you still aren’t entirely better, don’t let them know that, okay? One day, you’ll search them out in the crowd because it’s become a habit, and you’ll notice that your heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore, your palms don’t get sweaty anymore, it doesn’t bother you to see them with someone else anymore. And that fake smile will be real.

All of those quotes you see, those things that people tell you, they just irritate you. You want to be left alone to get over all of this in your own way and that is perfectly normal. Good, even. It’s wonderful that you want to do this by yourself. It means you’re strong, it means you’re independent, it means you will actually be able to get over this little obsession of yours. In your own time.

I wish you luck.

The Timing is Wrong.

timing is wrong

She’s too young.

She’s too old.

She’s too close.

She’s too far.

She’s not mature enough.

She’s too mature for me.

She hasn’t graduated.

She wants to get married.

She doesn’t fit well into my life style.

We can’t relate to the same pop culture reference.

clock engine

Nothing seems to line up anymore. Remember the days of middle school and high school where you liked a girl, and you didn’t have to worry about her life path? Because chances were you were both in the same grade, and you didn’t even know what the heck a life path was?

Well life messes that up. Everyone is coming and going. They’re learning, they’re interning, they’re studying abroad, they’re graduating. It is extremely odd to find someone who’s clock is aligning with yours anymore.

I kind of just accepted that I would have to wait until i graduated to date seriously, but last night I was thinking “The timing will ALWAYS be wrong”. The timing will be wrong to find a love, to find a job, to have a kid, to go to grad school. The timing will never be right in our eyes because we can plan and plan and plan but at the end of the day the future is still unknown.

So why don’t I just enjoy the ride? Why don’t I like the girl that is illogical to like, and just take the risk? We’re young, and I just want to have fun. We can figure out the rest later. We can figure out the state, the date, we can figure out the education, the future, we can just figure that all out later but right now let’s just focus on us.

Do we like each other? Do we want to get to know each other?

Then that is enough. The rest will all fall into place.

“We only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished.”


Damn, that Carrie Bradshaw was a smart girl.

But really though. I’ve been thinking. This unfinished relationship is with a plain cheesy novel i probably wouldn’t want to be spotted reading, or simply put cheap a street corner book. There’s 200 pages, and I’m at page 111, and so far the book is just.. eh. It’s not a book that most people would give a second glance, which is why it’s so cheap. It doesn’t have a shiny cover, and the author isn’t that famous. But something about it intrigued me. I think it was the fact that it held opportunity for things unexpected.

I had been reading the book and there were ups, and downs, smile and frowns, happy parts, sad parts, confusing parts, a lot of boring parts. But the book did not just cut it out, it was not that good, it did not have me hooked. It was because halfway through, the plot took an unexpected turn. Ever since then, the author was not really able to make it all tie together.


I was almost done, but then i stopped reading the book and gave the book away. In a previous post if You Don’t Like the Menu, Leave the Restaurant. I mention that if you don’t like a book leave it, however this book just made it to its title. And even though it was not the best book I ever read, it still had about 89 pages left to change my mind. Those 89 pages held an ending that I had no way of predicting though i think i would be the least interested in the end. Those 89 pages are my unfinished relationship with that book.